Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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