so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
