I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Randomize
