what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
