Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
