I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
