Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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