So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just found a bag of teeth...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
