I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
