Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
