we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
