dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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