you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
