Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
