i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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