so explain again why im purple
no
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
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