he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
