if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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