I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
