I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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