Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize