The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
