this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
