I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I should be sponsored by Trojan
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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