Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Couch. On fire.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
