I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
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It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
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I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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