Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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