Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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