Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
