May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
