Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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