I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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