i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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