If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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