Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize