Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
