i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
