i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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