Who did Billy Mays play for?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
