I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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