Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
