Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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