highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
