Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
