I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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