Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
