i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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