I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
