Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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