no, he came in my armpit
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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