alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
