so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
