either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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