Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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