Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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