Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
