he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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