That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
