Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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