I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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