they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
