Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
