I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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