she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
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the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
As shirtless as possible
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
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No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize