I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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