i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
