My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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