his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
