the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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