My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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